You've heard about the Happy Gilmore Parlay. You know about the Teaser Wheel. Well, we're introducing a new betting strategy this week – the Flamenco Fan!
OKAY, FOLLOW DEGENERATES – IT’S TIME TO GET YOUR FOOTBALL BETTING LEARN ON.
For people more inclined to laughs, I offer my Sunday picks below.
First, I am so epically bad that my “Man” has given me a free $300 bet this week. Apparently, he’s concerned that I might not be as big a masochist as some other people I could mention. So, I guess, this wager is my:
STONE COLD LOCK OF THE WEEK: KANSAS CITY – 3.5 OVER TAMPA BAY
Now, for the comedy portion of our program. I call this series of bets the “Flamenco Fans.”
Unlike the Teaser Wheel ™, which requires an advanced degree in gambology and at least 20 years of experience to attempt, any idiot can drop some ducats on this system.
Just to review, Teaser Wheel ™ requires that you pick one game with laser like accuracy, but just in case, you get an extra six points. Then you pair that Guaranteed Winner with every other team on the board while claiming the same six point cushion for each of those. This means, if your Lock Game wins, you can not lose money (except for some vig in an almost impossible scenario).
The Flamenco Fans, on the other hand is a less advanced technique because, unlike the Teaser Wheel ™, you must pick TWO stone cold locks. So, you have only a 50% chance of getting it 100% wrong. Once you have your two Lock pics, you then find five other teams/totals that strike your fancy and pair each (using another 6 point cushion) with the Lock to create two separate spreads of games each linked to that hub like the spokes on a Spanish fan. If you’re lucky enough to be able to make this bet at a brick and mortar casino, take the tickets for each bet series and spread them out like they were fans, five to each hand. Dance around waiving the bet tickets like you’re cooling your face and you now have not only completed the classic Flamenco Fan, you also look pretty stupid. Which is what you should look like if you make this bet.
My Flamenco Fan bets are below ($220 to win $200 on each):
GREEN BAY -2 KC/TB OVER 50
GREEN BAY -2 NO -9.5
GREEN BAY -2 TENN +9
GREEN BAY -2 CAROLINA +9
GREEN BAY -2 VEGAS/FALCONS OVER 47.5
MIAMI -1 KC/TB OVER 50
MIAMI -1 NO -9.5
MIAMI -1 TENN +9
MIAMI -1 CAROLINA +9
MIAMI -1 VEGAS/FALCONS OVER 47.5
And for my encore:
With the addition of these bets there are lots of scenarios that narrow my potential outcomes from small loss to small win. But the two outcomes I’m focusing on are:
HUGE WIN: Green Bay and Miami both win by less than two touchdowns.
CATASTROPHE: Miami wins by exactly 1 point or Green Bay wins by exactly 1 or 2 points.
BEARS OVER GB JETS OVER MIAMI Money line Parlay $295 to win $2360.
Teaser: BEARS +13.5 JETS + 13 $480 to win $400.
And just to clean up some loose ends, I had $70 sitting on some poker site. I decided to fling it a five team parlay to win $600.
GIANTS OVER BENGALS
RAIDERS OVER FALCONS
GREENBAY OVER BEARS
CARDINALS OVER PATS
DOLPHINS OVER JETS
Note: For all your personal investment needs, contact David Fruchter, who can be reached directly on Facebook.